I feel empty and I don’t know what to do

images  It feels so good to be back; I had to take a long break to get myself back together after what I went through emotionally.  Let’s just say I was wrecked emotionally and I still haven’t fully recover from it.  But hey I created this blog to express myself   and express myself I shall.

I’m at a point in my life where I feel empty,  I used to have something or someone that gave me temporary happiness.  But I don’t have that thing or that person beside me anymore and it hurts because I really thought finally I would get into my happy place and everything would be fine.  The happy ever after fairytale I imagine was just as it says “a fairytale”.

Ps: don’t ever make anyone your only source of happiness, that person would disappoint  you.

I have not been happy  for weeks now,  I feel empty and I don’t know if it’s because of how my last relationship ended or I’m on a down ward spiral.  Am I getting back to that feeling of emptiness  I had for most parts of 2017? Or this is just post-break up pain? Either way all I know is that I don’t feel good at all and it’s affecting my diet.

What makes it worse is that I don’t know how to get out of this feeling right now.  Sometimes I feel like there’s no purpose for my existence here on earth.  Felt this same way in 2017 and talked to people about it who told me to “snap out of it” like it was a mood swing.  I feel worse than how I felt back then;  like do you ever feel sad even when there’s nothing to make you sad?  Like you just feel angry  and you don’t know why?  You lose hope and interest in everything and everyone.

That’s where I am at right now and I don’t think I can snap out of this one.  I just hope I find a way to get out of this depressed self; even though I doubt I can find one.  My parents don’t know I feel this way and I don’t feel comfortable discusses this with them because they would blame it on me spending hours on my phone or probably just blame it on the devil.

I have a big heart and care so much about others around me.  Everyone who knows me personally knows that I care for people around me and I don’t need to know you personally to help you out in any way I can.  I’m sorry I can’t be strong for my friends who might need my help right now when it comes to emotional issues amongst other things.  But I feel lonely and empty and I keep lying to y’all by telling you I’m fine whenever you ask me how I’m doing.  I’m not doing okay but I don’t want to appear weak to y’all.

 

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Songs on repeat

Jizzie's blog

I am a music junkie,  I love music so much and I don’t  focus on a particular genre at all,  although I  don’t really like rock music but other genres I love so much.  I don’t like listening to songs based on how popular  it is or how popular the artist is, not saying I don’t listen to those type of songs but I focus more the relatively new songs or artists as I believe they make better music than the “established” artists.

During my routine search of new artists and songs to listen to,  I came across a few on Sunday 3 June 2018 and they have been on repeat till now.  I call them songs that calms the soul,  because that’s how I feel whenever I plug my earpiece n turn the volume to the max,   the songs take me to another realm and makeS me forget about…

View original post 365 more words

Temporary Happiness

Jizzie's blog

Where is my happiness?

Why do i  still feel so empty?

Why do I seek happiness when I know it won’t last?

Do I suffer from Depression or from the illusion that I am depressed?

Have I subjected myself to sadness and despair because I feel I can never find true happiness?

What I need is joy,  that eternal peace of mind that calms my troubled soul.

Is that a myth?

Is that attainable?

Would  that cure my depression or have I suppressed my depressed soul that I think I am no longer  depressed?

I wish my smile could light up my world just as it does to others I  meet on a daily.

I advice people to take control of their happiness,  I can’t help but to think I have lost mine  and can never recover it.

Why bother searching for something temporal?  When I seek that which would…

View original post 34 more words

Depression isn’t a spiritual attack from the village.

Jizzie's blog

depression-2912404_1280

I live in a country where any bad thing  that happens is attributed to one form of spiritual attack or the other.  The devil gets blamed for almost everything ranging from a man making a bad  decision that affects his business , to a woman getting malaria which is caused by a plasmodium parasite, transmitted by  the bite of an infected mosquito.

Depression or any other form of mental illness is a topic that  isn’t popular in Nigeria as most people either don’t understand it or believe it is an attack from your village people. This mentality however is very harmful as it forces those suffering from depression not to speak out out of fear of being labelled insane or possessed. The solution that first comes to mind of people  when they meet someone who suffers from depression in Nigeria is to take that said person to a church or…

View original post 478 more words

Depression isn’t a spiritual attack from the village.

depression-2912404_1280

I live in a country where any bad thing  that happens is attributed to one form of spiritual attack or the other.  The devil gets blamed for almost everything ranging from a man making a bad  decision that affects his business , to a woman getting malaria which is caused by a plasmodium parasite, transmitted by  the bite of an infected mosquito.

Depression or any other form of mental illness is a topic that  isn’t popular in Nigeria as most people either don’t understand it or believe it is an attack from your village people. This mentality however is very harmful as it forces those suffering from depression not to speak out out of fear of being labelled insane or possessed. The solution that first comes to mind of people  when they meet someone who suffers from depression in Nigeria is to take that said person to a church or a spiritualist who would conduct some sort of deliverance to cure the person from the ‘spirit of depression”.

Depression is not a spiritual attack,  it’s a mental illness or mood disorder.  I would give a brief definition of it below before I explain further.

What is depression? 

Depression  (major depressive disorder)  is a very common and serious mental illness that has an adverse effect on the way you feel,  think and handle daily activities, such as eating,  sleeping,  working. Depression causes feelings of sadness, emptiness and a loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed.

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According to the latest estimates from WHO, more than 300 million people are now living with depression. It is also predicted by WHO to be the second one leading cause of disability globally, after heart disease in 2020. This is an issue that needs to be discussed more often in our communities , the only way those who suffer from depression can be confident enough to speak out is when they find themselves in an environment that encourages them to do so. So in order to help them we need to  stop the continued stigma associated with mental illness and also stop attributing it to spiritual attacks from the devil or witches.

 

How do you know you are suffering from depression?

As humans it’s perfect okay to feel sad, angry,  uninterested,  frustrated as this are normal feelings  which every human is expected to exhibit.  But when this feelings begin to affect your life in an increasing alarming rate then you need to watch it.  A change in appetite  which can either be  increased or decreased,  change in sleeping pattern which can also be more or less,  loss of interest in daily activities or  pleasure including sex can all be signs of depression.  Other signs or sympthoms may include:

Feeling of hopelessness

Feelings of worthlessness or emptiness

Feelings of guilt

Suicidal thoughts or attempts

insonmia

Persistent sad and anxious feelings

Fatigue

Headaches, aches,  cramps that won’t go away

Problems with your digestive system

Not everyone who suffers from depression might experience all the symptoms above.  It is also important to note that this symptoms  no matter which you have has to be persistent and last for at least 2 weeks  i.e you have to feel that way nearly every day or most of the day for at least 2 weeks before it can be considered to be depression. It’s also worth to note that depression gets worse if it’s not treated earlier it could lead to suicide

 

End Note

As someone who has suffered from depression that lead to having suicidal thoughts for years. I would advice that if you suffer from depression or have noticed any of this symptoms for at least 2 weeks or more you should go to a competent therapist. Don’t resort to drugs without the proper diagnosis or medications

 

 

 

 

Temporary Happiness

Where is my happiness?

Why do i  still feel so empty?

Why do I seek happiness when I know it won’t last?

Do I suffer from Depression or from the illusion that I am depressed?

Have I subjected myself to sadness and despair because I feel I can never find true happiness?

What I need is joy,  that eternal peace of mind that calms my troubled soul.

Is that a myth?

Is that attainable?

Would  that cure my depression or have I suppressed my depressed soul that I think I am no longer  depressed?

I wish my smile could light up my world just as it does to others I  meet on a daily.

I advice people to take control of their happiness,  I can’t help but to think I have lost mine  and can never recover it.

Why bother searching for something temporal?  When I seek that which would last even in midst of trouble.

Joy like wizkid says “nothing but joy” is what I need to escape from my suicidal thoughts.

 

I hope  I find joy soon before it is too late.

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Songs on repeat

I am a music junkie,  I love music so much and I don’t  focus on a particular genre at all,  although I  don’t really like rock music but other genres I love so much.  I don’t like listening to songs based on how popular  it is or how popular the artist is, not saying I don’t listen to those type of songs but I focus more the relatively new songs or artists as I believe they make better music than the “established” artists.

During my routine search of new artists and songs to listen to,  I came across a few on Sunday 3 June 2018 and they have been on repeat till now.  I call them songs that calms the soul,  because that’s how I feel whenever I plug my earpiece n turn the volume to the max,   the songs take me to another realm and makeS me forget about my personal problems more like a drug but only better.

I would list those songs in no particular order  down below:

“Too Deep” by  Reo Cragun  which is part of his latest EP “Craig” which was released in March 2018 and yes I know I am  a late lol.  ito basically a love song filled with uncertainty , well that’s what I got from the song n the beautiful thing about music is that you can get different meanings from just one song.

“Your Love” by KNGDM ft Soran & Reo Cragun which came out last week actually 1st of June 2018 to be exact.  Basically the song is about not getting over a girl which I am sure most people can relate to. It’s a  song that talks about how vulnerable you can be when someone you love isn’t there,  you get so invested that you won’t be able to move on probably because you  are the reason the relationship didn’t work.

” One Night Only” by Sonder  this song came out in February this year.  Wow where have I been?? I am a big Sonder fan, I loved the project they put out last year “Into”. Personally I think that’s arguably one of the best RnB projects to have been released last year.  So One Night Only is about a one night stand basically.  But it sounds so good that you would probably spend more time  enjoying the melodies than paying attention to the message. . It’s that good

“I Want Money Not Friends” by Norman Perry 13 January 2018. I can relate to this song so well,  yeah friends are good and all but money won’t do you dirty would it? Humans would always disappoint you but money won’t. So yeah if you are like me you would be able to relate to this song and oh this song is off his album “Play by Play” which came out the same day.

Other notable songs are “Bag” by Future ft Yung Bans, “Friends of Friends” by Manila Grey,  “Dazed and Confused” by Ruel.

So please  give this song’s a listen and tell me what you think..  Cheers

black and white music headphones life
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