It feels so good to be back; I had to take a long break to get myself back together after what I went through emotionally. Let’s just say I was wrecked emotionally and I still haven’t fully recover from it. But hey I created this blog to express myself and express myself I shall.
I’m at a point in my life where I feel empty, I used to have something or someone that gave me temporary happiness. But I don’t have that thing or that person beside me anymore and it hurts because I really thought finally I would get into my happy place and everything would be fine. The happy ever after fairytale I imagine was just as it says “a fairytale”.
Ps: don’t ever make anyone your only source of happiness, that person would disappoint you.
I have not been happy for weeks now, I feel empty and I don’t know if it’s because of how my last relationship ended or I’m on a down ward spiral. Am I getting back to that feeling of emptiness I had for most parts of 2017? Or this is just post-break up pain? Either way all I know is that I don’t feel good at all and it’s affecting my diet.
What makes it worse is that I don’t know how to get out of this feeling right now. Sometimes I feel like there’s no purpose for my existence here on earth. Felt this same way in 2017 and talked to people about it who told me to “snap out of it” like it was a mood swing. I feel worse than how I felt back then; like do you ever feel sad even when there’s nothing to make you sad? Like you just feel angry and you don’t know why? You lose hope and interest in everything and everyone.
That’s where I am at right now and I don’t think I can snap out of this one. I just hope I find a way to get out of this depressed self; even though I doubt I can find one. My parents don’t know I feel this way and I don’t feel comfortable discusses this with them because they would blame it on me spending hours on my phone or probably just blame it on the devil.
I have a big heart and care so much about others around me. Everyone who knows me personally knows that I care for people around me and I don’t need to know you personally to help you out in any way I can. I’m sorry I can’t be strong for my friends who might need my help right now when it comes to emotional issues amongst other things. But I feel lonely and empty and I keep lying to y’all by telling you I’m fine whenever you ask me how I’m doing. I’m not doing okay but I don’t want to appear weak to y’all.